emergent

i can't live in this skin anymore.
i've outgrown it.
it holds too much leftover disappointment and inflicted insecurity.
too much doubt, fear and regret.
too many days of feeling walked on, looked over, left out, forgotten.
too many "whys", "what ifs" and "what could have beens."
too little closure, too little courage, too little passion.
too much settling, too much routine, too much compromise, too much passivity.
too much longing for the wrong things and too little longing for the great things.
too much expectation for desires unfulfilled, too little rejoicing over gifts given.
too little grace for myself and too much enabling of others.
too often doubting i deserve much and too much acceptance of receiving little.
too much expectation for love returned and too much sadness over lack thereof.
too often feeling unwanted, unworthy, expendable.
too little realization of God's opinion of and great love for me.
too much weight given to the opinions of others.
too often losing the fight for my own heart while fighting for the hearts of others.
too much expectation that God does good in every life but mine.
too little understanding of the Father's power, majesty, compassion, and kindness.
too much taking of what life hands me and too little chasing after what is truly wanted.

this is a new season.
shedding. purging. molting.
breaking out. breaking free.
cleansing the temple.
pruning the branches.
delivery from exile.

wanting more.
not settling for less.
letting God show me who i really am
and what He made me for.
knowing what makes my heart beat
and seeing it realized.

" Our passions are not too strong, they are too weak.
We are far too easily pleased."
- Clive Staples Lewis

enough is enough.
it's time.
i really have no other choice.